I understand the desire for a simple, no foolin' around statement of what you intend, but there's no point in having a EULA at all if it's not going to do the job that it's supposed to do, which is to protect your rights and to define what the user is and isn't allowed to do. Legal language is like computer code -- it should unambiguously define your intent for every situation that might come up. Can you imagine a non-programmer writing a useful application in 4 lines?
So lets look at your "EULA":
Line 1: Who is "you"? What is "this software", and what is the "trial version"? What does it mean to "redistribute"?
Line 2: I understand that if I buy a license I may not redistribute that license, but what does that have to do with the software? Also, I can still redistribute if somebody else bought my license, right? Under what circumstances can someone transfer their license to someone else?
Line 3: My state has a law that specifically disallows provisions that unilaterally limit my right to sue. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
Line 4: That's a copyright statement. I don't think you want it as part of your EULA. If I can get the EULA tossed does the copyright go with it?
I'm not a lawyer -- expect anyone who has had a year of law school to be able to shoot a lot more holes in your agreement than this.
I'd suggest that you talk to a real lawyer, get a real EULA, and perhaps supplement that with a simple statement (written by your lawyer) in plain English that summarizes the EULA.
You feel that you can't afford a lawyer, but at the same time you describe your software as "commercial." You must feel that your software has value since you expect people to be willing to pay for it, so it would seem smart to protect your future revenue stream and your investment in the product by getting some proper legal advice. Don't just wing it with a half-baked list of terms that may or may not carry the legal meaning you intend.